Confessions of a Surfer

( To All of you who've read this in my journal, no need to torture yourself again...but I decided to me...this is probably one of my finest works of art...Me.)

A Sneak Peek into Iries past

I wanted to share with you guys a lil about me… a lil walk on the path of my journey to wholeness again, because whether you realize it or not, each and every one of you walked with me.

In 2001, I was in two back to back car accidents. As a result of the accidents I was robbed of quite a few things and the people responsible, never paid their dues.
But I have forgiven them…
Anyway…I was robbed of my health, some of my cognitive skills and my financial independence.
Up until 2001, I was extremely physically active-Surfing was my soul~sport-rock climbing, kayaking, wrestling and playing football with my 3 sons. I loved to write stories, play the guitar and draw…and did all of them fairly well, I suppose-or so my Grandfather saying.
I wish I still had some of my earlier drawings to share, but they were either eaten up by a very turbulent past or destroyed in a raging inner-fire.

My injuries took away almost all of that…not only did I have to learn to walk right again, I had to slowly learn to draw and strum a guitar and put sentences together on paper that made some sort of sense. It wasn’t going well at all….

I slumped into a deep, destructive depression. The “doctors” weren’t and still aren’t of any major help….for 4 years I dug a deep whole, built a huge wall around it…grabbed some RPG games for my PC and stayed there. But I never lost the desire for my passions…they just dulled to the point where I couldn’t see or feel them anymore
Until…. “Deviant since Mar 8, 2005, 7:39 PM” I found Deviant Art..and the people within.

Spending hours upon hours just browsing others creations began to make the blood in my brain flow again. I picked up my camera…found a pen and wrote a line or two.
Time went on and with encouragement from a certain girl who gave me a small lesson in Photoshop, I started doing photo manipulations.

Another girls pure unconditional love and beautiful photography gave me the courage to try and take better photos and since I wasn’t afraid of photoshop anymore, to play with my photos.

The love and praise every single one of you gave me with each creation I posted, gave me the confidence to push on.

But I still couldn’t draw as I used to. I wound up with piles and piles of wadded up paper a mile high and my head on my desk. Then I went ahead and posted my first drawing I felt comfortable with in years … [link] but still didn’t like it much…

I kept going, (the progressions in my gallery…and time went on. I still just didn’t feel comfortable. It was like every stroke was forced and frustrating. Until one day…
Someone said some very kind words to me … which seemed to turn on some…switch somewhere in my brain. The pencil began to move and at time it didn’t even feel like me who was pushing the pencil at all…

I went to the library and got stacks and stacks of books from some of my favorite artists and began to study them relentlessly. As a kid I was exposed to Al Hirschfeld, the God of caricature art, and found my love for his style had not diminished.
Many of my drawings as I study, I have been using direct references of his work. ( a lot of my friends noticed that right away )
Now, I feel myself finding my own style but with a direct connection to his works.

My friends here at DA have even helped me improve my health! Early on during my recovery I wanted to and tried to go the holistic route to get better…but, it can get expensive. And finances are very tight for us, and being on disability, Medicaid certainly wouldn’t pay for something holistic…. Someone here…an amazing couple, has helped me begin to heal with a very generous care package of love and health to get me started…and its working!!

Why am I carrying on so? Because it was only a short time ago, months even, that I felt like life just wasn’t worth living anymore. That nobody cared and that I had become just a shell of a human being….

There are TONS more of you who have helped me individually in so many ways I could fill up this entire journal for days with icons… Each of you KNOW who you are and that you have a special place in my heart and my soul....

I wanted to share this with all of you…to remind you that there is peace…there is love..and there is healing left in humanity…
Im living proof…pun intended.

I love you all and peace to each of you today.